worry wort

Posted on March 23, 2007


I have a lot of thoughts running in my head, all random conversations why myself. I want to write it all out but everything is disarray. I always have a lot to think and say after a good cup of coffee or a tete-a-tete =)

Once again I’m having self doubts, and spilling it out to someone who actually comprehends what you are going through is nice, it is a comfort to know that we are in the same boat! There’s that Michael Jackson song playing in my head, “you are not alone”. Today for biochemistry the lecturer was talking about doctors who doesn’t know their stuff, those doctors will scare their patients and are deem stupid. I was laughing and at the same time, I felt like that stupid doctor. Many a times my parents have joke about this on me and many a times I joke about this myself. I’ve no doubts that socially and morally I will make it there but I am not there when it comes to grasping my theories right. Scary! I’ll be your silent killer in the hospital! Don’t tell me I’ll be fine, don’t tell me it’s only 1st semester, don’t tell me these… I don’t think it is an excuse for I know… Saying this all the while I still am not doing a single thing about it, because the next instance I stop digressing on this I will not remember it. It’s not a constant remainder but it is a constant once awhile nagging deep feeling.

I say students who take up loans and scholarships have an extra motivation than me, who is sponsor under FAMA. A lot of people I know of are driven because of their parents, because of the money spent, their community, maintaining their pointers so that they can keep the loans and scholarships. As for me, I want to be in this field because it is a dream from a young age and the likes of helping people. It’s going to come true because of parents being able to support me both financially and morally. However, I don’t think I’m cut for it, as I lack the interest of taking initiative to read beforehand and I rather be spoon fed. It is a handicap! But I do memorize better when someone spoon feeds me. Perhaps Pharmacy or Nursing suits me better… I have a friend who did complain on how nonsensical the subject Critical Thinking is, right now I wish I did had the chance to learn it, for I’m lacking at it big time! You are lucky a lucky one!

I need to do less talking and more action. Let’s see how it goes after this rant.