Dying A Thousand Deaths…

Posted on May 10, 2007


Have you ever felt that you have died a thousand deaths? Well I have and there are going to be plenty more to come.

One of the most recent conversations I had with my dad was on being a student; especially a struggling one is still ringing in my ears…

“No one said that being a student is easy, especially for engineering and medical students. A student always dies a thousand deaths”! –daMoy-

I agree whole heartedly>

“die la, die la! Exams coming edi!”

“si la si la! Wa kuai ai si lia… exams results ai chu lai liao!”

“si gui kia! Exams ko ka chinia bo ho”!

“matilah ku! Macam mane nih?’

Yes, I’ve died a thousand deaths, and today it’s another death of mine.
Let’s celebrate!

Most of the grown ups, truthfully all of the grown ups I’ve met said that working life is not fun, especially when it comes to paying the bills. As much as I would agree to this in later years, for now I say being a student is not easy. Although the duty of a student are only to study, eat, sleep, shit, study, eat, sleep, shit and study and study even more! It would have been that simple if not for the teenage growing up phase, the raging hormones of a teenager, Pandora’s Box and being tainted by the jaded world.

Being an avid fan for tuitions does not help. Since primary school I’ve been caught up in the trend of attending tuitions, happily in my own will for I get to meet friends and study more at the same time on topics I’m weak at. I’m not saying that tuition didn’t help me in improving my C grades to respectable B grades, it is just that too much of it leave me very dependant and addicted to it. Though it has make me quite a diligent student and anyway repetition is one of the best way to learn as it can become a habit. I wish it was just psychology, that I do not need tuition to improve on my studies but the fact is it really helped me. However at the end of the day my mind has been trained to be spoon fed. Eleven years of routine attending tuition has made me the handicap I am now. I do not have the self confidence of what I know is truly correct for I have no guidance from lecturers, as the lecturers here come and goes as soon as the lecture itself is done.

I’m trying really hard to stop this addiction; it’s taken a long time. I’m running low on patience and optimism from being too hard on myself, yet at times I think I’m too lenient. I do not want to repeat a million times and pay extra sums to make up for the lack of grades. I want to make up time me loss to spend time with my family and friends in Malaysia.

“I’ve died a thousand deaths,
and I will die a thousand more death for the many years to come as long as I breathe.
Today I’ve died once more.” –VerbatimCries.