Something gnawing deep inside…

Posted on January 29, 2008


It maybe just the insecurity and the fact I’m not good enough. I know I’m not a gifted smart ass. Sometimes when the more I think about it I beat myself up mentally that I end up not doing much to lighten the condition. Acting on impulse is usually my tempo. I wonder will I ever be ‘there’.


There are times when a friend asked me how I am doing; I just can’t answer with so much assurance that I’m fine. It is a question pose of such concern for me, however I can’t take it with such a grace a person should answer. I’m quite sorry for that. I wish I could tell you I don’t think I’m doing as great as I want.


There are certain situations in my life I feel, I need or want help just to give me an easier way to excavate my path but knowing me I won’t take the extra hand. I yearn but I can’t accept it.

Let’s say in front of you is 2 paths leading to the destination you want to go. The first path is a pretty much smooth road, an easy journey for many have thread upon it. The other road is a pretty much a hard and bumpy ride. Which will you choose? There are some people who will call you a fool for not taken the easier road laid out for you. Some will view you not ambitious for taking it easy and perhaps not willful to venture by yourself.


Both opinions matter to me for which ever I choose.


Even I know I don’t have the means to achieve fully of what I eyed by my own ability, but somehow it’s a reassuring fact to me that I’m giving myself a second chance and to play against the odds.

self guilt

Posted in: Unsaid