Cries&Tongues

Posted on July 6, 2008

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Your friend cries.

What do you do? Do you:

a) Sit; but not too closely, don’t look at the crying person in the eye and pat them on the shoulder, trying your best not to touch them too much.

b) Tell them: “Don’t cry.”

c) Give them a shoulder to cry on; even if you’re wearing a $200 shirt/top/dress.

d) Sit really quietly with them and hear them cry, not touching them at all.

e) Tell them what you think they want to hear and reassure them.
No, really. What would you do?

In response to what ragingrach wrote(above), this is my 500 rupiah worth:
Your friend is already crying, telling them don’t cry is rather stupid because he/she already reach the edge of emotions that tears are streaming down their face that telling them not to cry is like another ‘DuhhH’ conversation, such as: ” eh you cut your hair!”, when obviously the hair is cut. So saying that isn’t very helpful.

A touch or a hug is no where or no how better. I know some people can’t take that because pool of more tears will fall from their face! So is better to touch them not so much, or not at all.

What i will do is, I’ll offer my dear friend lots of kleenex, sit quietly with them and try not to touch them at all ( some people just can’t resist the urge of giving a pat or a reassuring hug to the person who is crying), listen to them cry, take a long walk with them, when the breathing sounds a little better i’ll them what i think and try to reassure them. Most of the time crying friend can’t talk at all, so typing text messages to communicate is the best.

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The act of crying is like torrent from the river, it will not cease until the river has run dry. Long walks gives them time to think through what they feel and get them to stabilize themselves. Although the hugs and touches means well… but to the crier it feels more of a self-pity. Sitting with them when they cry and saying nothing is reassuring enough to let them know you care and want to tell them something. Don’t try to talk to them when they are still sobbing, forgodsake(!) they can’t breathe properly when in tears, so let them cool down first.

I’ve been there, seen that and done that.

food for thought:

no, share your thoughts…

will u rather know a person who doesn’t hold their tongue and says what they pretty much mean,
or will you rather know a person who holds their tongue so well that you do not know what are they thinking.

To me a person who holds their tongue to well and do not tell what they are thinking are very scary people. Many situations i can think of. For examples: that person might be thinking ill thoughts of you; that person has a split serious scary shit split personality.

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Worse scenario damage that a person with a loose tongue can do is tell the wrong things and messed up situations but at least you know that nothing is behind those closed doors.

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Posted in: ~moi