cracks beneath the surface

Posted on January 18, 2009



Recap: Thurs-Sat

It was awful. Really awful. My Achilles heels is not having enough sleep. In stressful situations, sleep is one of the best remedy around, having to have exams then i could not have both sleep and exams to one level, one must be forgo.

Honestly, it is my first time getting blank out during exam due to anxiety attack. My guts felt that it was being twisted, pulled, and compressed the whole time day. How not to get upset when all the time and work poured went to waste due to sleep deprivation that brought memory failure. Aaaghh! If  I knew this will happen i would have sleep off and conserve my energy for more important papers.
The anxiety attack lessened during PH paper- psychogenic!

Felt numb and wasted until i had some sleep and proceeded to tackle Radiology paper.

I appreciate that the girls were trying to console myself out of the blue. The bits of hope they gave and hugs were therapeutic. It lifted my mood up a little.

From anxiety attack to temperamental bowels and nausea. My fellow colleagues reckon i’m having wind in my gut because i complaint that it was making lots of gurgling noises, which they claim to be turbulence of air. My abdominal discomfort came with intermittent prickling pains. I was told this happens because of not eating regularly 😦 I usually have one meal and one snack a day on exam period which is enough to sustain energy.

Exam was at 7am! can u believe that?! Of all the exam time table to change, the schedule for that particular subject did not! It was one of the better paper, yet of course the Radiologist never gave us good results, even though most of the exam questions were of pass year that we have attempted. The last radio exam i set for, my classmates were told that only 9 pass with a C! The rest can say AsTaLaVista Baby! Which does not make sense…

I manage to curl up to a Yoga like position and nap awhile on one of the East wing floors of Gedung Baru. Sleep does not calls for comfort when I’m most tired, i can sleep anywhere as long i got something to rest on. The following exam was 1pm, it was ‘ujian perbaikan’ (heck i don’t know what is it call in English) for Methodology. For this subject, much sweat and tears were poured into it. The thesis proposal was the most challenging rolllercoaster ride! It was announced (today, sat)  that lots of people manage to get an A. I suppose my work paid off. Yet a few of us are feeling numb about the news because we have turned immune to expect the best after all the drama we went through. I’m counting my blessing.

By wee hours of the night or Sat morning, i was too nauseated that i barf dinner contents out! Felt so much relieve after that for the nausea was gone but the air turbulence still hung around. So much for taking food, it didn’t really help to lessen the air turbulence in me. Guess it does not work for me.

2 things by right:
one- Radiology is my last exam paper
two- The extra one week i sacrifice from my hols was to sit for some ‘ujian perbaikan’. To my dismay, there is none! Other
than the Clinical Pathology that i planned to take on Saturday.

Clinical Pathology exam for two hours and 4 hours seminar of Methodology to attend.
An MOG outing which left me none to spare, although i manage to steal 15 minutes of sleep when i got back to my Kost to change. I was grumpy and whining, my watery eyes became smaller and smaller.

While everyone of my juniors mostly were so hype to get back to Msia, i on the other hand can’t wait to get on to my bed! Envisioning the soft pillows that cradles my head and the weight of my body supportted by my mattress was what i wanted most!
I planned to sleep the whole night away after MOG but i am awake now. Annoyingly awake!! Blardi mozz and messed up sleeping pattern!!